A Leader's Mission is to Fall in Love

(A speech delivered to Xavier University High School during the XUHS Magis Awards last March 2014. Magis is the latin word for "more". Magis Awards was an event where students who exemplify Magis in their fields were awarded.)

HIGHSCHOOL

On this momentous day, I am surrounded by this school’s greatest young leaders – leaders of clubs, leaders of the church, leaders of different batches, leaders of promising advocacies, all from different walks of life. You are all leaders with unique stories, and have, in many ways, created a significant impact in your school and the society at large. Through your hardwork and battles you triumphed, you finally came to this point when the fruits of your labor will be acknowledged with certificates and medals. Then, many of your classmates and families will applaud you for your achievement. I am sure of that because I was once like you, seated on a not so different chair like yours, eager to hear my name to be called, and stand out in the big crowd.

I graduated high school with flying colors, as the Batch Salutatorian who received 11 medals. In my Senior year, I was President of a regional organization of science clubs, and at the same time the Editor in Chief of our school publication, and Vice president of the student government, not mentioning the number of times I headed class activities and group projects in between. I was proud and arrogant. Being in the spotlight at all times made me feel so high of myself, that all I ever thought of was how I could improve myself to earn more trophies, medals, and certificates which will put an edge on me over others. This was my motivation in serving others. This was how I understood success, prestige, and human dignity.

Then December 16, 2011 came. In an instant, Sendong washed away everything that I worked hard for, the name that I strived to build. Just as St. Ignatius‘ life was greatly shaped by the cannon ball experience, Sendong was my cannon ball experience. It’s my defining moment. And my life has never been the same again.

COLLEGE

My track in college was mostly devoted in the student government and my community engagements. Since I was a Freshman, I have been a member of the student council, organizing projects right there and then, and even playing multiple roles simultaneously. My involvements along with my academic responsibilities kept me busy 24/7. It was exhausting at so many points, and sometimes I found myself in tears due to exhaustion or even confusion. My leadership experiences had ups and downs, joy and pain, triumphs and defeats, but all of them are revelations about myself, my view of others and the world. Leadership challenged me to empower the youth through the leadership formation programs that I founded with some friends, and transcend business from a merely profit-making industry to a venue for community development through the establishment of a social enterprise that gives livelihood assistance to the marginalized in Barangay Puerto. It is only in these moments when I became truly happy with what I’ve been doing – a kind of happiness that I never experienced in any of my involvements before, a priceless feeling that none of my numerous awards made me feel.

These efforts are successes that don’t require medals and awards to feel their value. The fulfillment within is the most important award, something that does not wither, something that won’t be gone even with another Sendong to come. Nothing is ever more rewarding than having the opportunity to enrich the lives of Filipinos, and receive nothing but mere contentment and peace.

Friends, awards make us feel good, but they are not the destination.  An award is never the end line in our journey in leadership, it only challenges us to desire being more and doing more. Because after all, the spotlight is not on us in leadership. It is always on them – the poor, weak, oppressed, and marginalized.

I believe that this Magis Awards Ceremony is not a celebration of medals, but rather, a celebration of our commitment to make a difference in the lives of these people. As you go home and bring your medals with you, ask yourselves, how do these sum up to the greater scheme of things?

SERVICE IS THE MISSION TO LOVE

We earn medals and awards, get elected to high posts, and get key responsibilities in our organizations not because of ourselves.  Rather, we fulfill roles and titles because there is a bigger cause that we’re ought to accomplish.  There is a mission in leadership that is bigger than our lives.

In my experiences, I realized what leadership truly is, far more than the clichés of service, skill, and sacrifice. In my journey of understanding what leadership is through the complexity of its ups and downs, I came to realize what leadership is in its simplest context. Leadership, for me, is an invitation to love unconditionally. Leadership is about giving ourselves to someone or something greater than ourselves - to look beyond the activities that need to be accomplished, papers that need to be signed, or deadlines that we should beat. Leadership transcends the everyday tasks of a student leader like me - to go beyond the task in itself or the responsibility that is associated with my position, but just love, and love with all my heart, may it be even in the most difficult endeavor or the most basic responsibility. Beyond everything else, a leader’s mission is to love.

This is a humbling realization for me which took me years to grasp, but this is only because my life is a story of how much I experienced that kind of love. One very ordinary, but moving experience for me is the way I witnessed my parents’ love for me. Every time I look into the years that passed, it is when I get to appreciate how much they sacrificed for me and my siblings just so we can live better lives.

There came a point when my mom lost her job because of political conflicts in the place where she worked at, and ended up taking every possible job she could have as a sideline. My mom is good at baking, so she used that opportunity to earn money. I remember her usually sleeping beyond 12 midnight just to finish the pile of orders she needed to fulfill for the next day. She often got sick, and her hands would sometimes tremble because of fatigue. But despite of that, my mom would always wake up every single day to prepare breakfast for us.  As I grew older with so many responsibilities at hand, there were times when I had to leave or house at 4:00 AM or 5:00 AM but during these mornings, my mom would wake up before me, ensuring that I’d have breakfast before I leave. It is in these simple but heartening routines that I came to understand the capacity of a person to love others more than themselves, moments when I get to feel the depth of someone’s heart to love.

The mission to love is to carefully see beyond these extraordinary experiences – from simple life events to crucial, grandeur, and glorious moments.  In moments like these, we begin to understand what unconditional love is. And because I feel so loved, I had something in me which is beyond what words can explain – something that challenged me to put this love into something else, to share this love with people in society who need my compassion most, and that is how my real leadership journey started. I serve, because I want to love back. Service is my response to the love that I’ve felt coming in my life. And just like any form of love, this love would sometimes hurt, but this is the kind of love that never tires my heart amidst hardships, criticisms, and defeats. 

MAGIS IS ABOUT LOVING THE MOST

We are all young with so much idealism within us. In moments of uncertainty, I will leave you with 3 questions to ponder:

1. What is it that I should love?
2. What is it that I should love more?
3. What is it that I should love most?

That, I believe, is what Magis is all about. We will never truly understand Magis without answering the call to love, or responding to what we are ought to love the most. In a developing country like ours, a lot of our brothers and sisters need the most of our love. Streetchlildren who made Divisoria as their home need this love. The indigenous people in the mountains who are deprived of proper healthcare and quality education need this love. Unborn babies who are deprived of life due to unplanned conception need this love.  Women in offices who are discriminated simply because of their gender need this love. Many Juans in jail who got imprisoned for a crime that they did not commit need this love. Every Filipino who cries for equality, justice, and peace need this love.

These realities only point out to one truth: That indeed, this world needs love. This world needs leaders, not with intellect, skills, and talents, but leaders who can simply love. As student leaders, our mission is to fill this world with love.

My dear friends, you may forget everything that I told you this morning, but I want you to remember only 1 thing, just 3 words: That wherever you may go, and whatever plans you wish to pursue, I hope these 3 words will guide you. Fall in love. Fall in love truly and deeply. Fall in love with all your heart. Just fall in love, and see where that love will take you.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

The XUHS Community during the Magis Awards

The Greatest Mission of a Leader

A living heart is one that yearns, one that hopes for the most beautiful things, one that gets hurt with deceit and lies, one that defies the world’s demands to meet its own, and one that endlessly searches for its deepest desires.

All my life, I have been trained to become what a leader should have and should be. A leader should have a clear and consistent vision. A leader should have a well-defined plan. A leader should have excellent communication skills to influence teams. A leader should be open-minded. A leader should be patient in dealing with different personalities. A leader should be persuasive to inspire people to move toward a goal.

Leadership as a journey of the heart

My leadership journey molded me to see leadership more than the obvious surface – to look beyond everyday tasks, deadlines to beat, and projects to perfect. Leadership is more than being competent in what I do. It is more than having the skills that make me a good problem-solver or an excellent communicator.  Leadership is even more than the ability to do anything perfectly with the right attitude in handling a team.

I learned that leadership, above all, is a journey of the heart. It is about fulfilling what the core of my humanity desires and about aiding my longing for truth and justice in the world. My leadership journey is a sum of the evolution of my heart and the choices it made amidst the most difficult crossroads it encountered. It is clearer to me now that the reason why I serve society in any way that I can is simply because I see myself as a servant and my heart is a heart that serves. My heart gravitates towards people whose hearts are wounded, scarred, and defeated. My heart wishes for the poor and the oppressed to live better lives. My heart also searches for the hearts of young people who want to make a difference in simple yet extraordinary efforts.

Mission to love

My mission to lead is the mission to love, and everything else just follows perfectly. God granted me the grace of leadership to be more loving in the world, especially to His people who need most of my love. It is, at least to me, never prestige wrapped with positions of organizations that made my leadership pure.  I felt the truest essence of leadership when I am not in the office of the student organization nor in the beautiful scenery of the countries I visited around the world during international leadership conferences. I felt it in the seemingly mundane walks around Divisoria that became the home of streetchildren living in poverty and hunger. I felt it in Saturday afternoon visits in a community of native weavers in Barangay Puerto who get less than what they deserve from capitalists. I felt it in the simple conversations with little girls in the mountains who walk under the scorching heat of the sun for two hours or so every single day just to reach the nearest school. I felt it in my immersion at a home of a fisherman feeding a family of seven kids with a daily income of 100 pesos.

I felt the purest essence of leadership in my ordinary journeys in life that taught me more than everything I learned in class. These were the moments that moved me and disturbed my heart. I am a person who leads simply because these experiences made my heart’s journey more meaningful. It is from this journey of the heart where I learned that in the most basic essence, a leader should be loving. A voice within calls me to love. The greatest mission in leadership, after all, is not about loving to lead. It is about leading to love.

Journey goes on

As I aspire for different roles to serve society, the journey of my heart goes on. Every new day is an opportunity for me to be more loving to God’s creations. The capacity to love is so overwhelming because it is in moments that I serve others when I see God’s miracles working in my life. I feel God’s presence inside me so I am not afraid to discover His Divine Will for me. In service, I am able to fully trust God to be with me in my vocation and I allow myself to be His instrument to bring love in this world.

To student leaders of organizations, your leadership role may end at some point as it is defined by tenure, but your leadership journey goes on. Leadership will lead you to pursuits you never thought of venturing. It will bring you far, even beyond your basic responsibilities in the organization. The great challenge for you is to fulfill your roles in your organization in a way that a difference is made not just in your life but more importantly, in the life of others. But the greater challenge for you is to keep journeying until love transcends your ability to lead. Keep journeying until you are no longer afraid to discover what is inside your “sacred space”. Keep journeying until your heart becomes a heart of a servant.

And when it does, don’t be afraid to love. Lead with love and just let your heart lead the rest of the way.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

Summer internship in the big city: The journey to DKS

Here’s to all of you who asked how I got here:

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” -  Neale Donald Walsch

So I had this internship plan all along since I started thinking about career and life after college. When it comes to big life decisions, I have a knack for getting things planned ahead. I guess I got that from being too much of a visionary. I see results first, before developing a plan that ultimately leads to achieving my desired output. That summarizes why the whole internship thing was already in my mind even before Junior year started. But don’t get me wrong, I am a planner but I hate having a restrictive life. I value beauty in not ruining the surprise of a mundane day and be open to whatever possibility the universe brings me. So contrary to what others think, a huge part of me is also the downright spontaneous and adventurous type. I’d rather fail in trying than not having tried at all. Funny how difficult it is for me to believe in something unless I experienced it myself. I can name four or five items you’d never expect anyone to eat but I did anyway just so I would know how they taste like (but don’t mind asking what these are). I favor taking risks and letting something fall in place by its own. And if things go wrong, I can charge it to experience.

That explains why wanting to have an internship instead of spending good times at the beach was my idea for summer. Honestly, I am in this critical stage right now where I begin to doubt on my preferences and that uncertainty requires me to reconsider my decisions. Life beyond college scares me. God knows that Law school has been my goal for so long and that imagining myself in a courtroom defending a poor client who needs the best of my legal assistance excites me a lot. I have been working my whole life toward landing into the legal career. I have been a hardworking student, racking up extra-curriculars and academic honors, learning as much as I can with trainings and skills development opportunities that are even more than what’s required, all with my eye on the prize of being my best self upon admission to Law school. But I have transformed in many ways through time.

My involvements and exposure beyond the university also caught my interest in social entrepreneurship, finding content in enriching lives of the poor and powerless communities as a business student. It seems as though everything just fits perfectly together, like finding the intersection of two sets in a Venn diagram where one set contains my deep desire in empowering the poor VS another set where my passion in business lies.

The process of Abaca-weaving. Abaca is the raw material of the shoes that Knots and Woods, our social enterprise, produces.

Martine shoes is the first shoe collection of Knots and Woods

Knots and Woods Memorandun of Understanding signing with the CDO City Government, represented by Mayor Oscar Moreno himself

But other than that, I also want to make money and there’s no better way to do that than entering into the corporate arena. Honestly, I could not imagine myself doing a job on Finance in the future, although that is what I majored into. I don’t enjoy sitting behind a desk all day, staring at a screen, or dealing with figures. If I get into a corporate career, I see myself better working in teams, dealing with people, and doing more talking than typing on keyboards. But just as I always believed in, there’s definitely no harm in trying.

When Xavier University had its job fair at the Covered Courts sometime in February 2014, I peeked from the outside and saw Deutsche Knowledge Services’ desk among many others which were present. It was among the very few companies that were open for internship applications. The long lines and poor ventilation in the area made me hesitant. I wasn’t prepared for anything at all, but at the back of my mind, I thought that the internship offers a chance for me to look at the company and the work it does, as much as it is for it to gauge whether I’d make a good employee in the Global Finance field. I heard Deutsche Bank is an employer of choice for global finance enthusiasts. Not that it’s my dream company (‘cause getting into Unilever was a better option for me), but its highly reputable image is good enough to be worth the try even though internship is not required for my course.

I immediately processed the requirements on the same hour. I had a flight to catch at 6:00PM on that same day so I tried accomplishing everything as fast as I should.  As soon as I finished, I had three things with me back then: 1.) A crammed 5-minute cover letter, 2.) A half-baked resume, and 3.) My zealous spirit to face the hiring representative in my school uniform, amidst others applying with their best business attires and make-up on.

That day was succeeded with series of phone interviews which often came unexpected, the first I got in the middle of the road while I was on my way to the Cathedral, until such time when I got the confirmation call that I was hired. The all-expense paid transportation and condominium accommodation was also hard to resist. And being the only non-NCR applicant who got accepted in their internship program was an opportunity I didn’t want to miss. Without a doubt, I signed the contract to work for their company and started my internship on April 6, 2014. It was a leap of faith, but I know God brought me here for something.

DKS Building at Net Quad, Bonifacio Global City, Taguig

Group Technology Operations-Debt Fixecd Income and Currency Department. This is where I am assigned.

A crash course on Foreign Exchange which my boss handed me over to review. Spent my first week trying to be familiarized with the terms and concepts on FX.

My desk at the office. I will have a telephone, too, which they will be installing next week.

The view from the 17th floor's pantry

Life is full of surprises, and they don’t come wrapped in fancy packages, but in the most ordinary moments. I wonder how this summer will surprise me in the end, as getting here surprised me each step of the way.

Dear heart, it's been a while. :)

When there was so much to hate and too many reasons to be resentful for, I chose to be more compassionate and rooted in love.

Wow; it’s been 3 months already, like it was only a nightmare that I finally was able to wake up from. The first few days were the hardest, that even breathing required so much effort to fulfill. There wasn’t a week that I missed going to the pea of my favorite church so I could just let my tears flow. I felt so vulnerable at that moment, that I conformed to the seemingly impossible habits for me just to divert my thoughts to something else, but it just got worse each time. Every single day was a constant battle, and often during those times, I did not know what’s there to fight for. There were nights when I had to take in some medications to drive me to sleep, just to shut my mind from hearing the crazy voices inside – voices that wonder, complain, and yell. The resounding scream was just so hard to ignore.

I loathed seeing the weakness in myself that was beyond control, and expecting on days after another that there’s still a reason to try, but in the end, I learned to accept and embrace that weakness as a sign of being human. I learned to forgive myself before anyone else. That way, I gained the courage to endure rather than run away from the pain. I realized that I have been blessed with the pain that I’ve held on to for too long.  Indeed, pain builds character.The brokenness taught me how to hold myself together when nothing else seemed to matter anymore. The silence I had inside was more uncomfortable than I imagined it to be, but through the days, this silence has become my sanctuary at the same time. It’s in this silence which I was able to hear the voice of God, and this allowed me to see how challenges only point out to the beauty of God’s love for me.

All I ever asked from God since then was to make me strong so I can let go. But I realized that letting go is not possible. The past is what makes me who I am right now and letting go of the past would mean abandoning an essential part of my individuality at present. The best that I can do is to only accept what was, celebrate what is, and prepare for what will be. Indeed, there are no regrets, but only lessons learned. And for me, I had to learn these the hard way. Yet, I remain to be grateful for what life has to offer; because at times like these, I get to show what I am really capable to do and what I am made of. With everything that transpired lately, I thank God for letting me know myself better. And if there is one thing that I learned best, it is to never doubt on the greater scheme of things that God prepared for me.

My mind still has spaces of questions. My heart still has memories of pain. My soul still has moments of emptiness. But all of those are significantly far from what they used to be and far between, and I am more certain that time heals, as it did. I pray that the next months will be rewarding, that my heart will finally find its place – the place that God reserved for me.

One day soon, I will look back to these days, the person I was, and celebrate the growth that only challenged me to become better. I am excited to see who I will become, ‘cause seeing how this experienced changed me now, I am convinced that the best days are yet to come.