What could me more worthy than simply being me? Thank you, 2013.

Looking back to the year that was, I could not help but wonder what’s with me that convinced God to give me all the blessings that I often think I do not deserve. I am in awe to see how a simple person like me, was given the opportunity to travel to Japan and Korea without spending a single peso, to receive my first ever medal in college as a Magis Exemplar Awardee, to stay at the Senate Building as a youth legislator, and to serve with the highest position in campus politics. Yet although these achievements made me feel good in so many ways, it is not by these which defined 2013 as a memorable year for me. It is the growth that formed me within that matters most.

I used to count the days that passed as countless opportunities to prove my worth in this world. But as time moved on, I realized that worth is not equal to position, power, or esteem. Worth is simply unleashing what is inside of me that speaks so much of my God-given intrinsic nature. Being a person, more than being fundamentally human, is already being worthy. In 2013, this is how I measured my worth in this world – by totally accepting the fact that I am just human like everybody else. Little did I know that this ordinary truth will be set all the difference.

I often talk about the “great” things that made 2013 the best year in my life, but for now, I will cite my pains and hardships that equally made 2013 worthwhile. 2013 is a year of meeting crossroads – decisions that stretched my patience and rationality to horizons that I never imagined of. Being a President of the Central Student Government always placed me in crossroads, and often times I doubted where to go; but in the end, I still chose the road less travelled. This year also was a year of losing myself but finding life’s simple truths in the process. I could not remember how many times I asked myself if I was still on the right track in life, or what I will be doing in the next 5 years, or who I will become as I explore my passion. These things confused me, but I realized that what is more important than worrying about the future is living the present to the fullest, and that is exactly what I learned to do. This year was a year of ardent sacrifices - moments when I gave more than I received, loved more than I was loved, and cared more than I was taken cared of. But then again, this is only God’s way of reminding me that good things come to those who seek to be more like Him. Lastly, this year was  a year of endless battles, from the moment I found out that I will be shifting to a new course up to the present where I am already about to finish the battles in the student government before my term ends. But the months in between were the most crucial, I should say, and the hardest battles are those which happened inside the heart.

This year, I became more loving, more compassionate, more humble, and more patient with almost everything. Believe it or not, but this is the only thing that I am proud of about myself; because the most difficult endeavors in life is not about winning competitions or getting straight A’s. The most difficult, but often overlooked, is seeing the bigger scheme of things amidst pain, brokenness, isolation, hopelessness, and fear. It is ironic, in a sense, that many people would want to reach the heavens and become totally proud of getting so far, but in my part, what I see as my greatest achievement is being fundamentally human in everything that I do – nothing more, nothing less.

My worth is not measured by what is added to my name, the benefits that I enjoy, and everything else that is happening around me. My worth is simply what is going on inside me and showing how beautiful this world could be if only people also see what is inside of them. Less is more. There is happiness in content. 2013, you will be remembered.

JANUARY

Ateneo National Environmental Conference at Ateneo de Manila University. Our team won 1st place in the Environmental Proposal Competition.

MARCH

Kizuna Bond Project at Tokyo and Fukushima, Japan. This was a 2-week short term exchange program in Japan

APRIL

SBM Student Council Midyear Evaluation at Camiguin

MAY

Buklod Atenista National Congress at Ateneo de Zamboanga University, Zamboanga City.

JULY

Philippine Model Congress at the Senate Building, Pasay City.

AUGUST

ASEACCU Conference at Seoul, South Korea

SEPTEMBER

Swimming with the whale sharks at Oslob, Cebu

OCTOBER

Buklod Atenista Midyear Congress at Ateneo de Naga University, Naga City

DECEMBER

Ayala Young Leaders Congress Panel Interview at Makati City

Today my life begins. :)

We used to be so in love. The intensity of this affection was so surreal that even the spark in our eyes could already explain what we felt for each other. No one else made me feel the same way I felt about you and with that, my world seemed to spin around the paradise of love we once had. Being with you gave me thousands of reasons to live, and there was not a single day that I failed to thank God for giving you to me. The bliss of good times were only additives to our emotions. What truly made that feeling genuine was all the those difficult times when hardships came in the way, or we had little fights, or when we pout in a day, but still long for each other at the end of everything. Priceless moments like that made us realize how challenges define our worth to each other. Before, every sunshine excites me because I know that a new morning is an opportunity for me to be loved, and for me to love you more. After all, what could be a better way to wake up than knowing that someone somewhere is happy to see you again for a new day? The gift of being with each other again was incomparable, that even when we only spent an afternoon of awkward silence, it seemed like the best afternoon in life. But what I thought would last for a lifetime only lasted for so long.

I used to say that my greatest fear is to lose the people I love. Death or permanent separation is unimaginable. Little did I know that what’s more painful than death is hoping for people to come back even if they haven’t really left. These are moments when I wish I have not loved or cared enough so I could have spared a little bit for myself. The cliché “Too much love can kill you” still holds true. I couldn’t help but be angry with the fact that I gave everything, every bit of myself, and every emotion in my heart just to show you that you are special and that someone in the world cares for you more than you can ever care for yourself. Because I loved you too much, I did not mind doing this all the while, despite of what happened.

Our dreams together inspired me to give nothing but the best in all my endeavors. Finishing college, earning a degree in Law, and landing on a good job are ambitions which I aspire for not only for my own self gratification. More than the enrichment of my personal esteem, to become a person who you will be very proud of is one thing that motivates me everyday, knowing that the future can be so promising and I will be capable to give what we can only dream of as of now. True enough, they have always been right when then they associate dreams with stars. Like stars, we can only look at them shining from afar and hope that someday soon our hands can reach those little diamonds in the dark sky, and miles away already define that impossibility.

Part of me wants to hold on for the last time, but a bigger part of me wants to be free, not from chains, but from emptiness. It’s hard to fight for something when pain overpowers your ability to love. But what’s harder is to pretend that you’re still happy amidst the desolation that creeps you inside; because every time you want to endure the pain for the sake of love, you only end up hoping that at least for some time, you will be taken cared of, too. Love is not selfish. But as they say, you could not give something that you do not have.

Love only taught me one thing: That no matter how it is going to end, it will always be worth the try. It is in loving where I got almost all the values that placed me to where I am now. It is in loving which I got to know what could be better than what I thought was impossible. I believe that it is also in this same process of loving which I will find myself again, in His time. Hopefully by then, this love will be the missing piece that would complete me till the end of time. :)