We used to be so in love. The
intensity of this affection was so surreal that even the spark in our eyes
could already explain what we felt for each other. No one else made me feel the
same way I felt about you and with that, my world seemed to spin around the
paradise of love we once had. Being with you gave me thousands of reasons to
live, and there was not a single day that I failed to thank God for giving you
to me. The bliss of good times were only additives to our emotions. What truly
made that feeling genuine was all the those difficult times when hardships came
in the way, or we had little fights, or when we pout in a day, but still long
for each other at the end of everything. Priceless moments like that made us
realize how challenges define our worth to each other. Before, every sunshine
excites me because I know that a new morning is an opportunity for me to be
loved, and for me to love you more. After all, what could be a better way to
wake up than knowing that someone somewhere is happy to see you again for a new
day? The gift of being with each other again was incomparable, that even when
we only spent an afternoon of awkward silence, it seemed like the best
afternoon in life. But what I thought would last for a lifetime only lasted for
so long.
I used to say that my greatest fear
is to lose the people I love. Death or permanent separation is unimaginable.
Little did I know that what’s more painful than death is hoping for people to
come back even if they haven’t really left. These are moments when I wish I
have not loved or cared enough so I could have spared a little bit for myself. The
cliché “Too much love can kill you” still holds true. I couldn’t help but be
angry with the fact that I gave everything, every bit of myself, and every emotion
in my heart just to show you that you are special and that someone in the world
cares for you more than you can ever care for yourself. Because I loved you too
much, I did not mind doing this all the while, despite of what happened.
Our dreams together inspired me
to give nothing but the best in all my endeavors. Finishing college, earning a
degree in Law, and landing on a good job are ambitions which I aspire for not
only for my own self gratification. More than the enrichment of my personal
esteem, to become a person who you will be very proud of is one thing that
motivates me everyday, knowing that the future can be so promising and I will
be capable to give what we can only dream of as of now. True enough, they have
always been right when then they associate dreams with stars. Like stars, we can
only look at them shining from afar and hope that someday soon our hands can
reach those little diamonds in the dark sky, and miles away already define that
impossibility.
Part of me wants to hold on for
the last time, but a bigger part of me wants to be free, not from chains, but
from emptiness. It’s hard to fight for something when pain overpowers your
ability to love. But what’s harder is to pretend that you’re still happy amidst
the desolation that creeps you inside; because every time you want to endure
the pain for the sake of love, you only end up hoping that at least for some
time, you will be taken cared of, too. Love is not selfish. But as they say,
you could not give something that you do not have.
Love only taught me one thing:
That no matter how it is going to end, it will always be worth the try. It is
in loving where I got almost all the values that placed me to where I am now. It is
in loving which I got to know what could be better than what I thought was
impossible. I believe that it is also in this same process of loving which I will
find myself again, in His time. Hopefully by then, this love will be the
missing piece that would complete me till the end of time. :)
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