First 100 Days in Local Governance

Today I celebrate my first 100 days in public service. I thank God for the everyday grace of strength. It has been a very insightful journey so far. Allow me to share three realizations from my government experience:

1.) For the majority, the word government is synonymous with bureaucracy, corruption, or inefficiency. Sadly, there is some truth to this. However, this does not wholly represent the daily functions done in government. If you tell me 10 negative things about government, I can tell you 100 more stories of hope and compassion by selfless government workers I have known. Some government employees just do what is asked of them and no more, but there are far more employees who are driven to achieve more than just the bare minimum. These are employees who work under the scorching heat of the sun, sometimes even more than 8 hours in a day, despite the fact that their average monthly pay is even less than what most people get in a week. In government, I witnessed great stories of modern day heroism which are not products of politically-driven agenda, but rather, of simple day-to-day sacrifices so that others could live better lives.

2.) Government has complex system of rules in place which can be frustrating especially to people who need to see immediate results in order to be fulfilled. Real, lasting results are sometimes slow in the making. This could be the reason why it is not only civilians themselves who give up on government, but also many of those working in it. We need to “reinvent” our government, to change the culture that hampers its progress, and to set off chain reactions in the system that will make a transition from a seemingly hopeless system to one that is more empowering to the greater community.

3.) If we want the best government, we need to put the best people in government. Ask random professionals who graduated on top of their batch. How many of them actually opt for public service? Not so many, probably because they are not likely to become financially stable on their government salary or that they see government as futile. Private firms can give even ten times more than what you can get from government. Of course there are also other meaningful ventures to dedicate your talents. However, the public sector also needs candidates with strong education and experience. Decisions that influence the vast majority are made in government. We need brilliant minds and ideas to think big.

I look forward to the day when government becomes a choice, and not just an option, for people whose intellect, skills, and leadership are needed most. We need you to drive our government to its optimum capacity. I also look forward to the day when many people will work together with government in making a difference other than paying obligatory taxes, may it be in a private firm, NGO, or even in campus. We need you to make greater things possible. AMDG

A Leader's Mission is to Fall in Love

(A speech delivered to Xavier University High School during the XUHS Magis Awards last March 2014. Magis is the latin word for "more". Magis Awards was an event where students who exemplify Magis in their fields were awarded.)

HIGHSCHOOL

On this momentous day, I am surrounded by this school’s greatest young leaders – leaders of clubs, leaders of the church, leaders of different batches, leaders of promising advocacies, all from different walks of life. You are all leaders with unique stories, and have, in many ways, created a significant impact in your school and the society at large. Through your hardwork and battles you triumphed, you finally came to this point when the fruits of your labor will be acknowledged with certificates and medals. Then, many of your classmates and families will applaud you for your achievement. I am sure of that because I was once like you, seated on a not so different chair like yours, eager to hear my name to be called, and stand out in the big crowd.

I graduated high school with flying colors, as the Batch Salutatorian who received 11 medals. In my Senior year, I was President of a regional organization of science clubs, and at the same time the Editor in Chief of our school publication, and Vice president of the student government, not mentioning the number of times I headed class activities and group projects in between. I was proud and arrogant. Being in the spotlight at all times made me feel so high of myself, that all I ever thought of was how I could improve myself to earn more trophies, medals, and certificates which will put an edge on me over others. This was my motivation in serving others. This was how I understood success, prestige, and human dignity.

Then December 16, 2011 came. In an instant, Sendong washed away everything that I worked hard for, the name that I strived to build. Just as St. Ignatius‘ life was greatly shaped by the cannon ball experience, Sendong was my cannon ball experience. It’s my defining moment. And my life has never been the same again.

COLLEGE

My track in college was mostly devoted in the student government and my community engagements. Since I was a Freshman, I have been a member of the student council, organizing projects right there and then, and even playing multiple roles simultaneously. My involvements along with my academic responsibilities kept me busy 24/7. It was exhausting at so many points, and sometimes I found myself in tears due to exhaustion or even confusion. My leadership experiences had ups and downs, joy and pain, triumphs and defeats, but all of them are revelations about myself, my view of others and the world. Leadership challenged me to empower the youth through the leadership formation programs that I founded with some friends, and transcend business from a merely profit-making industry to a venue for community development through the establishment of a social enterprise that gives livelihood assistance to the marginalized in Barangay Puerto. It is only in these moments when I became truly happy with what I’ve been doing – a kind of happiness that I never experienced in any of my involvements before, a priceless feeling that none of my numerous awards made me feel.

These efforts are successes that don’t require medals and awards to feel their value. The fulfillment within is the most important award, something that does not wither, something that won’t be gone even with another Sendong to come. Nothing is ever more rewarding than having the opportunity to enrich the lives of Filipinos, and receive nothing but mere contentment and peace.

Friends, awards make us feel good, but they are not the destination.  An award is never the end line in our journey in leadership, it only challenges us to desire being more and doing more. Because after all, the spotlight is not on us in leadership. It is always on them – the poor, weak, oppressed, and marginalized.

I believe that this Magis Awards Ceremony is not a celebration of medals, but rather, a celebration of our commitment to make a difference in the lives of these people. As you go home and bring your medals with you, ask yourselves, how do these sum up to the greater scheme of things?

SERVICE IS THE MISSION TO LOVE

We earn medals and awards, get elected to high posts, and get key responsibilities in our organizations not because of ourselves.  Rather, we fulfill roles and titles because there is a bigger cause that we’re ought to accomplish.  There is a mission in leadership that is bigger than our lives.

In my experiences, I realized what leadership truly is, far more than the clichés of service, skill, and sacrifice. In my journey of understanding what leadership is through the complexity of its ups and downs, I came to realize what leadership is in its simplest context. Leadership, for me, is an invitation to love unconditionally. Leadership is about giving ourselves to someone or something greater than ourselves - to look beyond the activities that need to be accomplished, papers that need to be signed, or deadlines that we should beat. Leadership transcends the everyday tasks of a student leader like me - to go beyond the task in itself or the responsibility that is associated with my position, but just love, and love with all my heart, may it be even in the most difficult endeavor or the most basic responsibility. Beyond everything else, a leader’s mission is to love.

This is a humbling realization for me which took me years to grasp, but this is only because my life is a story of how much I experienced that kind of love. One very ordinary, but moving experience for me is the way I witnessed my parents’ love for me. Every time I look into the years that passed, it is when I get to appreciate how much they sacrificed for me and my siblings just so we can live better lives.

There came a point when my mom lost her job because of political conflicts in the place where she worked at, and ended up taking every possible job she could have as a sideline. My mom is good at baking, so she used that opportunity to earn money. I remember her usually sleeping beyond 12 midnight just to finish the pile of orders she needed to fulfill for the next day. She often got sick, and her hands would sometimes tremble because of fatigue. But despite of that, my mom would always wake up every single day to prepare breakfast for us.  As I grew older with so many responsibilities at hand, there were times when I had to leave or house at 4:00 AM or 5:00 AM but during these mornings, my mom would wake up before me, ensuring that I’d have breakfast before I leave. It is in these simple but heartening routines that I came to understand the capacity of a person to love others more than themselves, moments when I get to feel the depth of someone’s heart to love.

The mission to love is to carefully see beyond these extraordinary experiences – from simple life events to crucial, grandeur, and glorious moments.  In moments like these, we begin to understand what unconditional love is. And because I feel so loved, I had something in me which is beyond what words can explain – something that challenged me to put this love into something else, to share this love with people in society who need my compassion most, and that is how my real leadership journey started. I serve, because I want to love back. Service is my response to the love that I’ve felt coming in my life. And just like any form of love, this love would sometimes hurt, but this is the kind of love that never tires my heart amidst hardships, criticisms, and defeats. 

MAGIS IS ABOUT LOVING THE MOST

We are all young with so much idealism within us. In moments of uncertainty, I will leave you with 3 questions to ponder:

1. What is it that I should love?
2. What is it that I should love more?
3. What is it that I should love most?

That, I believe, is what Magis is all about. We will never truly understand Magis without answering the call to love, or responding to what we are ought to love the most. In a developing country like ours, a lot of our brothers and sisters need the most of our love. Streetchlildren who made Divisoria as their home need this love. The indigenous people in the mountains who are deprived of proper healthcare and quality education need this love. Unborn babies who are deprived of life due to unplanned conception need this love.  Women in offices who are discriminated simply because of their gender need this love. Many Juans in jail who got imprisoned for a crime that they did not commit need this love. Every Filipino who cries for equality, justice, and peace need this love.

These realities only point out to one truth: That indeed, this world needs love. This world needs leaders, not with intellect, skills, and talents, but leaders who can simply love. As student leaders, our mission is to fill this world with love.

My dear friends, you may forget everything that I told you this morning, but I want you to remember only 1 thing, just 3 words: That wherever you may go, and whatever plans you wish to pursue, I hope these 3 words will guide you. Fall in love. Fall in love truly and deeply. Fall in love with all your heart. Just fall in love, and see where that love will take you.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

The XUHS Community during the Magis Awards

The Greatest Mission of a Leader

A living heart is one that yearns, one that hopes for the most beautiful things, one that gets hurt with deceit and lies, one that defies the world’s demands to meet its own, and one that endlessly searches for its deepest desires.

All my life, I have been trained to become what a leader should have and should be. A leader should have a clear and consistent vision. A leader should have a well-defined plan. A leader should have excellent communication skills to influence teams. A leader should be open-minded. A leader should be patient in dealing with different personalities. A leader should be persuasive to inspire people to move toward a goal.

Leadership as a journey of the heart

My leadership journey molded me to see leadership more than the obvious surface – to look beyond everyday tasks, deadlines to beat, and projects to perfect. Leadership is more than being competent in what I do. It is more than having the skills that make me a good problem-solver or an excellent communicator.  Leadership is even more than the ability to do anything perfectly with the right attitude in handling a team.

I learned that leadership, above all, is a journey of the heart. It is about fulfilling what the core of my humanity desires and about aiding my longing for truth and justice in the world. My leadership journey is a sum of the evolution of my heart and the choices it made amidst the most difficult crossroads it encountered. It is clearer to me now that the reason why I serve society in any way that I can is simply because I see myself as a servant and my heart is a heart that serves. My heart gravitates towards people whose hearts are wounded, scarred, and defeated. My heart wishes for the poor and the oppressed to live better lives. My heart also searches for the hearts of young people who want to make a difference in simple yet extraordinary efforts.

Mission to love

My mission to lead is the mission to love, and everything else just follows perfectly. God granted me the grace of leadership to be more loving in the world, especially to His people who need most of my love. It is, at least to me, never prestige wrapped with positions of organizations that made my leadership pure.  I felt the truest essence of leadership when I am not in the office of the student organization nor in the beautiful scenery of the countries I visited around the world during international leadership conferences. I felt it in the seemingly mundane walks around Divisoria that became the home of streetchildren living in poverty and hunger. I felt it in Saturday afternoon visits in a community of native weavers in Barangay Puerto who get less than what they deserve from capitalists. I felt it in the simple conversations with little girls in the mountains who walk under the scorching heat of the sun for two hours or so every single day just to reach the nearest school. I felt it in my immersion at a home of a fisherman feeding a family of seven kids with a daily income of 100 pesos.

I felt the purest essence of leadership in my ordinary journeys in life that taught me more than everything I learned in class. These were the moments that moved me and disturbed my heart. I am a person who leads simply because these experiences made my heart’s journey more meaningful. It is from this journey of the heart where I learned that in the most basic essence, a leader should be loving. A voice within calls me to love. The greatest mission in leadership, after all, is not about loving to lead. It is about leading to love.

Journey goes on

As I aspire for different roles to serve society, the journey of my heart goes on. Every new day is an opportunity for me to be more loving to God’s creations. The capacity to love is so overwhelming because it is in moments that I serve others when I see God’s miracles working in my life. I feel God’s presence inside me so I am not afraid to discover His Divine Will for me. In service, I am able to fully trust God to be with me in my vocation and I allow myself to be His instrument to bring love in this world.

To student leaders of organizations, your leadership role may end at some point as it is defined by tenure, but your leadership journey goes on. Leadership will lead you to pursuits you never thought of venturing. It will bring you far, even beyond your basic responsibilities in the organization. The great challenge for you is to fulfill your roles in your organization in a way that a difference is made not just in your life but more importantly, in the life of others. But the greater challenge for you is to keep journeying until love transcends your ability to lead. Keep journeying until you are no longer afraid to discover what is inside your “sacred space”. Keep journeying until your heart becomes a heart of a servant.

And when it does, don’t be afraid to love. Lead with love and just let your heart lead the rest of the way.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

Summer internship in the big city: The journey to DKS

Here’s to all of you who asked how I got here:

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” -  Neale Donald Walsch

So I had this internship plan all along since I started thinking about career and life after college. When it comes to big life decisions, I have a knack for getting things planned ahead. I guess I got that from being too much of a visionary. I see results first, before developing a plan that ultimately leads to achieving my desired output. That summarizes why the whole internship thing was already in my mind even before Junior year started. But don’t get me wrong, I am a planner but I hate having a restrictive life. I value beauty in not ruining the surprise of a mundane day and be open to whatever possibility the universe brings me. So contrary to what others think, a huge part of me is also the downright spontaneous and adventurous type. I’d rather fail in trying than not having tried at all. Funny how difficult it is for me to believe in something unless I experienced it myself. I can name four or five items you’d never expect anyone to eat but I did anyway just so I would know how they taste like (but don’t mind asking what these are). I favor taking risks and letting something fall in place by its own. And if things go wrong, I can charge it to experience.

That explains why wanting to have an internship instead of spending good times at the beach was my idea for summer. Honestly, I am in this critical stage right now where I begin to doubt on my preferences and that uncertainty requires me to reconsider my decisions. Life beyond college scares me. God knows that Law school has been my goal for so long and that imagining myself in a courtroom defending a poor client who needs the best of my legal assistance excites me a lot. I have been working my whole life toward landing into the legal career. I have been a hardworking student, racking up extra-curriculars and academic honors, learning as much as I can with trainings and skills development opportunities that are even more than what’s required, all with my eye on the prize of being my best self upon admission to Law school. But I have transformed in many ways through time.

My involvements and exposure beyond the university also caught my interest in social entrepreneurship, finding content in enriching lives of the poor and powerless communities as a business student. It seems as though everything just fits perfectly together, like finding the intersection of two sets in a Venn diagram where one set contains my deep desire in empowering the poor VS another set where my passion in business lies.

The process of Abaca-weaving. Abaca is the raw material of the shoes that Knots and Woods, our social enterprise, produces.

Martine shoes is the first shoe collection of Knots and Woods

Knots and Woods Memorandun of Understanding signing with the CDO City Government, represented by Mayor Oscar Moreno himself

But other than that, I also want to make money and there’s no better way to do that than entering into the corporate arena. Honestly, I could not imagine myself doing a job on Finance in the future, although that is what I majored into. I don’t enjoy sitting behind a desk all day, staring at a screen, or dealing with figures. If I get into a corporate career, I see myself better working in teams, dealing with people, and doing more talking than typing on keyboards. But just as I always believed in, there’s definitely no harm in trying.

When Xavier University had its job fair at the Covered Courts sometime in February 2014, I peeked from the outside and saw Deutsche Knowledge Services’ desk among many others which were present. It was among the very few companies that were open for internship applications. The long lines and poor ventilation in the area made me hesitant. I wasn’t prepared for anything at all, but at the back of my mind, I thought that the internship offers a chance for me to look at the company and the work it does, as much as it is for it to gauge whether I’d make a good employee in the Global Finance field. I heard Deutsche Bank is an employer of choice for global finance enthusiasts. Not that it’s my dream company (‘cause getting into Unilever was a better option for me), but its highly reputable image is good enough to be worth the try even though internship is not required for my course.

I immediately processed the requirements on the same hour. I had a flight to catch at 6:00PM on that same day so I tried accomplishing everything as fast as I should.  As soon as I finished, I had three things with me back then: 1.) A crammed 5-minute cover letter, 2.) A half-baked resume, and 3.) My zealous spirit to face the hiring representative in my school uniform, amidst others applying with their best business attires and make-up on.

That day was succeeded with series of phone interviews which often came unexpected, the first I got in the middle of the road while I was on my way to the Cathedral, until such time when I got the confirmation call that I was hired. The all-expense paid transportation and condominium accommodation was also hard to resist. And being the only non-NCR applicant who got accepted in their internship program was an opportunity I didn’t want to miss. Without a doubt, I signed the contract to work for their company and started my internship on April 6, 2014. It was a leap of faith, but I know God brought me here for something.

DKS Building at Net Quad, Bonifacio Global City, Taguig

Group Technology Operations-Debt Fixecd Income and Currency Department. This is where I am assigned.

A crash course on Foreign Exchange which my boss handed me over to review. Spent my first week trying to be familiarized with the terms and concepts on FX.

My desk at the office. I will have a telephone, too, which they will be installing next week.

The view from the 17th floor's pantry

Life is full of surprises, and they don’t come wrapped in fancy packages, but in the most ordinary moments. I wonder how this summer will surprise me in the end, as getting here surprised me each step of the way.

Dear heart, it's been a while. :)

When there was so much to hate and too many reasons to be resentful for, I chose to be more compassionate and rooted in love.

Wow; it’s been 3 months already, like it was only a nightmare that I finally was able to wake up from. The first few days were the hardest, that even breathing required so much effort to fulfill. There wasn’t a week that I missed going to the pea of my favorite church so I could just let my tears flow. I felt so vulnerable at that moment, that I conformed to the seemingly impossible habits for me just to divert my thoughts to something else, but it just got worse each time. Every single day was a constant battle, and often during those times, I did not know what’s there to fight for. There were nights when I had to take in some medications to drive me to sleep, just to shut my mind from hearing the crazy voices inside – voices that wonder, complain, and yell. The resounding scream was just so hard to ignore.

I loathed seeing the weakness in myself that was beyond control, and expecting on days after another that there’s still a reason to try, but in the end, I learned to accept and embrace that weakness as a sign of being human. I learned to forgive myself before anyone else. That way, I gained the courage to endure rather than run away from the pain. I realized that I have been blessed with the pain that I’ve held on to for too long.  Indeed, pain builds character.The brokenness taught me how to hold myself together when nothing else seemed to matter anymore. The silence I had inside was more uncomfortable than I imagined it to be, but through the days, this silence has become my sanctuary at the same time. It’s in this silence which I was able to hear the voice of God, and this allowed me to see how challenges only point out to the beauty of God’s love for me.

All I ever asked from God since then was to make me strong so I can let go. But I realized that letting go is not possible. The past is what makes me who I am right now and letting go of the past would mean abandoning an essential part of my individuality at present. The best that I can do is to only accept what was, celebrate what is, and prepare for what will be. Indeed, there are no regrets, but only lessons learned. And for me, I had to learn these the hard way. Yet, I remain to be grateful for what life has to offer; because at times like these, I get to show what I am really capable to do and what I am made of. With everything that transpired lately, I thank God for letting me know myself better. And if there is one thing that I learned best, it is to never doubt on the greater scheme of things that God prepared for me.

My mind still has spaces of questions. My heart still has memories of pain. My soul still has moments of emptiness. But all of those are significantly far from what they used to be and far between, and I am more certain that time heals, as it did. I pray that the next months will be rewarding, that my heart will finally find its place – the place that God reserved for me.

One day soon, I will look back to these days, the person I was, and celebrate the growth that only challenged me to become better. I am excited to see who I will become, ‘cause seeing how this experienced changed me now, I am convinced that the best days are yet to come.  

What could me more worthy than simply being me? Thank you, 2013.

Looking back to the year that was, I could not help but wonder what’s with me that convinced God to give me all the blessings that I often think I do not deserve. I am in awe to see how a simple person like me, was given the opportunity to travel to Japan and Korea without spending a single peso, to receive my first ever medal in college as a Magis Exemplar Awardee, to stay at the Senate Building as a youth legislator, and to serve with the highest position in campus politics. Yet although these achievements made me feel good in so many ways, it is not by these which defined 2013 as a memorable year for me. It is the growth that formed me within that matters most.

I used to count the days that passed as countless opportunities to prove my worth in this world. But as time moved on, I realized that worth is not equal to position, power, or esteem. Worth is simply unleashing what is inside of me that speaks so much of my God-given intrinsic nature. Being a person, more than being fundamentally human, is already being worthy. In 2013, this is how I measured my worth in this world – by totally accepting the fact that I am just human like everybody else. Little did I know that this ordinary truth will be set all the difference.

I often talk about the “great” things that made 2013 the best year in my life, but for now, I will cite my pains and hardships that equally made 2013 worthwhile. 2013 is a year of meeting crossroads – decisions that stretched my patience and rationality to horizons that I never imagined of. Being a President of the Central Student Government always placed me in crossroads, and often times I doubted where to go; but in the end, I still chose the road less travelled. This year also was a year of losing myself but finding life’s simple truths in the process. I could not remember how many times I asked myself if I was still on the right track in life, or what I will be doing in the next 5 years, or who I will become as I explore my passion. These things confused me, but I realized that what is more important than worrying about the future is living the present to the fullest, and that is exactly what I learned to do. This year was a year of ardent sacrifices - moments when I gave more than I received, loved more than I was loved, and cared more than I was taken cared of. But then again, this is only God’s way of reminding me that good things come to those who seek to be more like Him. Lastly, this year was  a year of endless battles, from the moment I found out that I will be shifting to a new course up to the present where I am already about to finish the battles in the student government before my term ends. But the months in between were the most crucial, I should say, and the hardest battles are those which happened inside the heart.

This year, I became more loving, more compassionate, more humble, and more patient with almost everything. Believe it or not, but this is the only thing that I am proud of about myself; because the most difficult endeavors in life is not about winning competitions or getting straight A’s. The most difficult, but often overlooked, is seeing the bigger scheme of things amidst pain, brokenness, isolation, hopelessness, and fear. It is ironic, in a sense, that many people would want to reach the heavens and become totally proud of getting so far, but in my part, what I see as my greatest achievement is being fundamentally human in everything that I do – nothing more, nothing less.

My worth is not measured by what is added to my name, the benefits that I enjoy, and everything else that is happening around me. My worth is simply what is going on inside me and showing how beautiful this world could be if only people also see what is inside of them. Less is more. There is happiness in content. 2013, you will be remembered.

JANUARY

Ateneo National Environmental Conference at Ateneo de Manila University. Our team won 1st place in the Environmental Proposal Competition.

MARCH

Kizuna Bond Project at Tokyo and Fukushima, Japan. This was a 2-week short term exchange program in Japan

APRIL

SBM Student Council Midyear Evaluation at Camiguin

MAY

Buklod Atenista National Congress at Ateneo de Zamboanga University, Zamboanga City.

JULY

Philippine Model Congress at the Senate Building, Pasay City.

AUGUST

ASEACCU Conference at Seoul, South Korea

SEPTEMBER

Swimming with the whale sharks at Oslob, Cebu

OCTOBER

Buklod Atenista Midyear Congress at Ateneo de Naga University, Naga City

DECEMBER

Ayala Young Leaders Congress Panel Interview at Makati City

Today my life begins. :)

We used to be so in love. The intensity of this affection was so surreal that even the spark in our eyes could already explain what we felt for each other. No one else made me feel the same way I felt about you and with that, my world seemed to spin around the paradise of love we once had. Being with you gave me thousands of reasons to live, and there was not a single day that I failed to thank God for giving you to me. The bliss of good times were only additives to our emotions. What truly made that feeling genuine was all the those difficult times when hardships came in the way, or we had little fights, or when we pout in a day, but still long for each other at the end of everything. Priceless moments like that made us realize how challenges define our worth to each other. Before, every sunshine excites me because I know that a new morning is an opportunity for me to be loved, and for me to love you more. After all, what could be a better way to wake up than knowing that someone somewhere is happy to see you again for a new day? The gift of being with each other again was incomparable, that even when we only spent an afternoon of awkward silence, it seemed like the best afternoon in life. But what I thought would last for a lifetime only lasted for so long.

I used to say that my greatest fear is to lose the people I love. Death or permanent separation is unimaginable. Little did I know that what’s more painful than death is hoping for people to come back even if they haven’t really left. These are moments when I wish I have not loved or cared enough so I could have spared a little bit for myself. The cliché “Too much love can kill you” still holds true. I couldn’t help but be angry with the fact that I gave everything, every bit of myself, and every emotion in my heart just to show you that you are special and that someone in the world cares for you more than you can ever care for yourself. Because I loved you too much, I did not mind doing this all the while, despite of what happened.

Our dreams together inspired me to give nothing but the best in all my endeavors. Finishing college, earning a degree in Law, and landing on a good job are ambitions which I aspire for not only for my own self gratification. More than the enrichment of my personal esteem, to become a person who you will be very proud of is one thing that motivates me everyday, knowing that the future can be so promising and I will be capable to give what we can only dream of as of now. True enough, they have always been right when then they associate dreams with stars. Like stars, we can only look at them shining from afar and hope that someday soon our hands can reach those little diamonds in the dark sky, and miles away already define that impossibility.

Part of me wants to hold on for the last time, but a bigger part of me wants to be free, not from chains, but from emptiness. It’s hard to fight for something when pain overpowers your ability to love. But what’s harder is to pretend that you’re still happy amidst the desolation that creeps you inside; because every time you want to endure the pain for the sake of love, you only end up hoping that at least for some time, you will be taken cared of, too. Love is not selfish. But as they say, you could not give something that you do not have.

Love only taught me one thing: That no matter how it is going to end, it will always be worth the try. It is in loving where I got almost all the values that placed me to where I am now. It is in loving which I got to know what could be better than what I thought was impossible. I believe that it is also in this same process of loving which I will find myself again, in His time. Hopefully by then, this love will be the missing piece that would complete me till the end of time. :)